Might I take the time to mention that Will Smith is an excellent actor. He always has been, but honestly, I often forget how good he really is.
Anyways, the story of this film speaks great values to myself. Now, I don't want to ruin the movie for those who haven't seen it; but in short, it's about a man who's wife leaves him when they're in a midst of financial diaster with their 5 year old son. With no money, no job, and no education (more or less), he must fights against all odds to provide for both himself and his child.
The reason this particular movie speaks to me is because it has much which I personally can relate too (soup kitchens; NO money; unable to pay rent, etc) Truthfully, in the last seven years, I've been through more shit than most can imagine. And today, is the revealing (partly, anyways). Both myself and my father have eaten in soup kitchens because there was once no money to feed ourselves; hell, there were even a few times when were close to being homeless (and I mean close).
What to hear something truly horrific? I've gone an entire week without eating anything but a loaf of bread and sugar cubes.
Suffice to say, it's never a pleasant experience (yes, it's happened a few times); nothing can prepare you're body for it. You're becomes body weak and fragile, you're mind absent from reality. It's an experience which immediately changes your outlook on life.
What's equally interesting is the reintroduction to food after you've gone a prolonged amount of time without it. 4 some years ago, when I lived in Washington State, I remember after a few weeks of starvation (hardly any food), we finally got some money and wasted no time going to a restaurant to indulge ourselves. We choose to eat at a Mexican restaurant by the name of 'Puerto Vallarta' (a very popular restaurant across the western United States). The food was superb, but neither of us could really eat it; not only had our stomachs considerably shrunk, but our throats (also shruken) burned with intensity. Spices and salsa's don't fair too well with someone who has eaten next to nothing for a couple of weeks.
And the first time you visit a soup kitchen...is quite unlike anything. Having originally come from a wealthy background and having never been subjected to a world of extreme poverty and "you name it", it all doesn't sit too well. It's a demoralizing situation, but eventually, you get used to it. And let me tell you, those peanut butter and jam sandwiches were damn good (no joke).
That's just a sample though - there are things which I dare not talk not about. I've been in situations which I hope no one ever has to go through. Stuff truly unimaginable; especially at the age I was when it happened.
Happiness?
Another point which this movie touches on is happiness, and well, the pursuit of it - hence the title of the film...
It seems like a simple concept; a concept easily fulfilled, but truth be told, it's not.
What is happiness? Is happiness fulfilled by the purchase of a new car or another Ipod? Or is that all momentary satisfaction?
As the movie points out, the line "the pursuit of happiness" comes from a speech which Thomas Jefferson spoke - many moon ago's. What I find interesting about this particular quote is what Will Smith's character in the movie says about the quote; he says something along the lines of "by implying a "pursuit" of happiness, does that mean happiness can never be had?"
I think it's a very important and relevant question. The last seven years of my life have been rather absent of this all-too-luxury item which the human race refers to as "happiness". Make no mistake, I've had many great times over the last couple of years, but the negatives easily outweigh the positives.
Nevertheless, despite the betrayals and constant let-downs I've always tried to keep my image and thoughts on the positive side.
I honestly think my experiences have made me a better person. I'm more caring, more honest, harder working and have learned to take absolutely nothing for granted. Problem is, all of this has ultimately made me an even unhappier individual.
Where Can I Find Happiness?
Happiness exists in a multitude of things - mainly friends, family and love.
Friendship?
Friendship most definitely brings happiness, right? Past experiences have brought serious doubts to this question. Who is a real friend and who is not; who is befriending you merely for their benefit?
I do have a number of individuals which I refer to as friends, but I've also had a number of so called 'friends' which hit the trail when problems arose.
Family?
Rocky subject.. Both my dad's father and mother have long since passed. I was quite young when my Grandad passed away and didn't have much of a chance to know him, but not young enough to remember when my Grandma passed. She was a spectacular person and certainly one of the best I'll ever meet in my life time.
Haven't talked to my mother for a couple of years, but haven't any desire to. I don't hate her by any means, but I think it's safe to say that we don't really 'know' each other all that well.
My dad's brother is cool, but his wife has been a burden. I very much get the impression that she doesn't like us; that's ok though, I don't really like her either.
The only real 'family' I have (aside from my father) is that which is my dad's sister and her husband. I've always enjoyed spending time with the two as they're great people.
Love?
I haven't had a whole lot of time for relationships, certainly not as much as I'd like! My consistent relocating to numerous cities and difficult-to-explain issues haven't helped in securing that many relationships.
Nevertheless, I don't want to give you the impression that I am living in some suicidal world with no hope of anything positives. That's very much untrue!
Thankfully, the last year has been much more 'secure' for both my father and myself. Things have already started to turn in a positive light and I'm confident things will get even better as time progress'. Mind you, I'm not completely forgetting what has happened. I've seen what has looked like something spectacular turn around in a matter of seconds. I'm not 100% sure of much anything anymore and I'll believe I'll continue to be this way for the rest of my life. Not that's it's necessarily a bad thing though, I think it'll help keep me from steering in the wrong direction.
While obvious moments of happiness are brought on by the above mentioned, they're are a number of other things which also make me happy:
-Spending time with my father - one of the only two people I can really trust. We have a relationship which is ultimately stronger than I believe what most other fathers and sons have because of our experiences together.
-Interacting with others and posting on website forums!
-Fulfilling my passion for all-things Kate Beckinsale related. It may seem a little silly, but finding new news or pictures to share on my Blog always provides a great deal excitement.
And lastly music,
You know, music has truly been a saviour for myself. When some listen to music they hear nothing but noise, but I on the other hand, see music as something truly magical. I can't tell you how much music captures my imagination - I can sit somewhere listening to music with my eyes closed and suddenly break into tears. I'm not being dramatic, I just happen to think music is absolutely beautiful. Not all music mind you, just the music I listen to...
Anyhow..
Those are some of the things which help me strive for a better future. To further help me along I most definitely need to fix my education - which to say the least, has suffered dearly. Might I add, it'd be great to have a girlfriend again. Not for sake of sex or anything like that, but to have someone who further occupies my mind.
Times have been rough for the longest of time. I've been shot down once before to get right back up again and unfortunately, it's a pattern I'm all to familar with. Winning to lose. I'm not ready to give in though and never will - against all odds.
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