Confused

Ahh, alright... I'm starting to get fed up with this whole thing with Jocelyn.

As I've already explained, our plan to meet this at the Vancouver Aquarium this this past Wednesday was foiled when her son became ill with a stomach flu. Now, I hadn't any reason to doubt what she was saying and naturally, was understanding of her position. Her child is the most important thing in her life; I wouldn't expect any less from a good mother.

But soon after that incident, things started to get dicey. With each and every email exchange not only has it taken her longer and longer to respond, but her responses are often short and sure to avoid questions that I've asked.

My original assumption was she was perhaps shy, or just extremely casual... That being said, I decided I'd take the leap of death and give her a call (she previously gave me her cell number) on Friday. Do you know how hard it was to get the nerve to call? I'm an extremely shy individual and absolutely dred talking to people I don't know. Yet despite that, I decided to overcome my fear and just give her a call.

I called her four times - twice in the morning (a few minutes apart) and twice (yet again minutes apart) some four hours later. On the my last phone call, I decided that I'd leave a message... My aim - casual & collected, and that's exactly what I did. I asked her that if Brandon was feeling better if she'd like to try to meet at the aquarium some time over the weekend. I wasn't pushy, nor intimidating on the subject, just casual.

From thereon, I waited to hear back from her and at 6:00pm, she responded (via Facebook, not a phone call mind you). But when she responded back on Facebook, she said that Brandon (her son) had been at her Grandma's house all day as she had managed to catch the little guy's stomach flu. But yet again, she never really answered my question. Then again, she never really seems to... ^_^
Nor does she seem all that interested in what interests me...

It really would appear that she's trying to avoid me - which begs the question, why the hell did she click "yes" to meet on HotOrNot.com? Is she not interested in me? Is she afraid to meet me? Is she afraid of having her heart broken?

Suffice to say, I'm entirely confused about the whole thing. That being said, I decided to message her back last night and simply ask her if she's even interested in me because I was starting to gather the impression that she wasn't. Risky gamble? Well,there's nothing to lose... I did however, write the message in a very civilzed and understanding manor. I asked if her if that which I believed was indeed true, then she should tell me the truth. If she doesn't want to meet me, then fine. I'll undoubtedly be disappointed, but I'll definitely be better of because this whole cat and mouse game has been driving me through the roof.

Haven't heard back from her yet, and hell, she might not even respond... But at this point, I cannot sit here wondering what hell she's thinking. At this point, the ball is in her park. I did (nor said) nothing wrong. I shall pursue her no more.

Or am I overreacting? Could I be entirely wrong? Did I blow it? Is this because Christmas is a week away? Who the fuck knows.

Quite frankly, I'm more mad at myself than anything; mad at myself for getting emotionally attached with little to go on to begin with. I spent more than a week thinking about this girl. Firstly asking the nerve to ask her out - then worrying what the actual meeting would be like - then wondering how the date it's self would both begin and end - then hoping her son was ok - and all of which followed. Why do I do this? Because I like to punish myself? In a way, yes. As I've mentioned several times before, I am a hopeless romantic. I never seem to learn, but then I suppose I cannot change the way I am.

If she responds back and proves me wrong, well then, hell yeah. I'll go out with her in a second. Until that time, I've done my best.